Things you weren't meant to hear
by HepburnJunkie22
Summary: Another not so minific i have written from a Tumblr prompt
1. Chapter 1

**_This is another one of my not so minifics from the prompts on Tumblr...this one was submitted by the lovely ubiquitousmixie :)_**

**_The characters are not mine, only the story...oh and reviews are love!_**

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Things with Brenda would always be complicated, even when things would even out as they eventually would, it would always be complicated. Yes they could be really good together, but at the same time they could be destructive. Sharon wasn't sure that she was willing to compromise herself in that way; to let Brenda Leigh in unsuspectingly and then retreat to lick her wounds when things went down hill.

She was brought back to the present by the shrill ring of her cell phone. She glanced at the home screen and smiled at the familiar name.

"Gavin," she greeted warmly turning towards the window.

She could hear the smile in his voice, "How are you beautiful?

Sharon lean back in her office chair slightly, crossing her legs at the knee.

"Fine," she answered after a brief pause.

She could practically see his eyebrow lift to his hairline on the other end of the phone. Gavin and Sharon had been friends for a long time and most times there was no one who knew her like he did. He had always been there when she needed him and Sharon had returned the favor as often as possible.

"Are you really going to make me drag it out of you?"

Sharon huffed indignantly, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He snorted, "Well then, let me refresh you memory on our last conversation."

She rolled her eyes skyward.

"When we last left off," he began, "you were explaining to me how you had fallen for the rule bending blonde commanding officer of the Major Crimes division."

The older woman rubbed her hand across her face, coming to rest on the bridge of her and pinched it slightly. She could feel a headache coming on.

"I have not," Sharon paused, testing the word on her tongue, "fallen for her."

"Sure you haven't," Gavin wheedled, "and I've been using being gay for a cover all these years."

She shook her head ruefully, "Its no that simple."

"Why isn't it?" he questioned, "You like her don't you?"

"Well of course I do!"

She was so busy trying to defend her self that she never noticed the door to her office open or the figure who was now leant against the frame.

He was becoming impatient, "Then what's the problem?"

"There are so many different factors…"

She stopped talking and let her mind wander. The truth was she didn't want to be hurt again; it had taken her so long to recover from Jack and their marriage. Then Brenda…Brenda didn't have the best track record either, she wasn't sure she was willing to make herself so vulnerable once again. No matter how much she wanted to, no matter how much she yearned for it.

"To be honest," Sharon began, "I'm afraid."

"Well obviously," Gavin remarked, "love is terrifying Sweetheart."

She shook her head, "Its not just that, but I don't want to be hurt again…after everything we've been through, how she treated me in the first place and all the things she done, how can I trust her?"

The figure in the doorway stiffened at that and straightened their shoulders, somehow they now knew who the brunette was talking about.

"How can do I know," Sharon continued, "that I'm not just some rebound after her husband left or a midlife crisis?"

Gavin was silent on the other end of the phone, she knew that he now understood and credited her concerns. Sharon wasn't one to play fast and loose with her emotions, if she had reasons for holding back he knew they had to be good ones.

"I just don't…" she began before a soft knock interrupted her.

Sharon turned in her chair slightly and facing the doorway to her office, when she spotted the person standing there she could feel the color drain from her face. She imagined herself looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Sorry to interrupt," Brenda drawled softly.

She wouldn't meet Sharon's eyes directly, she seemed to be looking everywhere but the older woman. The blonde was clutching the files to her chest tightly and her eyes seemed to be growing redder. It was then that the brunette knew she had heard some, if not every, word Sharon had been saying to Gavin.

"I'll call you back," she hung up without hearing his response.

"Brenda," she began…

The blonde interrupted, " I just wanted to drop these files off to you and then I'll be headin' home."

She stepped forward a few feet, just far enough to set the files gently on the corner of Sharon's desk. Then as quickly as she came forward she moved back to her position just inside the door. Sharon stood and made to move toward Brenda, her hands raised in a placating manner.

"Brenda please…"

At the use of the word please, the blonde's eyes snapped to Sharon's and for that split second she could see all the hurt, all the guilt, and all the disappointment the younger woman must be feeling. She could physically see Brenda struggling to hold together her happy and nonchalant façade. The younger woman shook her head vigorously, a clear sign not to come any closer.

"I really have to be goin' " she mumbled quietly.

Then she pivoted on her heels and strode off down the corridor. The staccato of her heels on the laminate flooring was unbelievably loud in the captain's ears. Sharon watched the door silently, hoping she would come back, but knowing that she wouldn't.

Sharon sighed sadly, "Damn it."


	2. Chapter 2

_**I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue this story, but I decided it had at least two more chapters in it…maybe a happy ending? ;)**_

_**As always reviews are love!**_

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She had called Brenda constantly since she left her office yesterday and Sharon was beginning to feel helpless. She knew by the look on the younger woman's face that she had deeply hurt her…she just needed a chance to explain, tell Brenda exactly what she meant. She lifted her cellphone to her face again, cradling it gently against her cheek, the warmth of the screen providing minimal comfort.

_Please pick up_, she prayed

It had been a while since the older woman had prayed, not that she never had, she had grown up in a Catholic household after all. But this wasn't like the nightly affirmations whispered as she crouched next to her bed as a child or the incessant hymns of her youth in school. The prayers flowing over her lips and through her mind were desperate and haunting; they were words that asked forgiveness, not from some higher power, but from the woman she had fallen for so deeply.

Truth be told, the last twenty-four hours had been agonizing. She sighed and let her head drop to the back of the couch as she heard the flat sound of the answering tone on the other end of the line. With a flick of her wrist Sharon threw the phone at the other end of the couch and watched silently as it slid beneath the pillow.

"Still not answering?"

Rusty's voice from the kitchen was laced with concern and maybe just a little pity.

Sharon wasn't ready to explain whatever this was to her son…especially if she couldn't quite explain it to herself. She couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips. While Rusty knew there was something going on between her and the former Deputy Chief and that right now things were not going well, he wasn't privy to the reasons for the distance. Nor did she believe he should be.

"No," Sharon rolled her shoulders, "she won't answer until she's ready."

She startled slightly when the teenager plopped down, rather effortlessly, on the cushion next to her. His grin was infectious and she couldn't help the small smile that crept across her lips as he offered her half of the peanut butter and honey sandwich he had made. The older woman watched him fidget out of the corner of her eye; he had immediately picked up on her mood when she had arrived home yesterday.

Always curious he had voiced a few well-placed and well-worded questions, trying to pry out of her more than she was willing to give. She had always stated her personal life was just that, hers. His voice was low as he spoke again and the look in his eyes was sincere.

"I'm sure she will come around…" the boy hesitated, "won't she?"

"I hope so Sweetheart," she leant back on the couch and closed her eyes, "I hope so."

She felt him shift slightly and she imagined him mirroring her position against the cushions. She opened her eyes when she felt the playful nudge to her shoulder as Rusty heaved himself off the couch, walking slowly back to the kitchen, empty plate in hand. It was then that Sharon lifted her weary body off the couch as well and headed down the hallway, calling out a soft 'Good night' to her son.

Sharon was exhausted, but she also knew that sleep would elude her tonight, her emotions and thoughts were too tightly wound, making her unable to mentally relax. No matter how physically drained she seemed to be, there would be no reprieve tonight.

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Brenda watched as the screen of her phone lit up for the fourth time, staring silently, as the vibration grew louder and louder. The name on the screen was a familiar one and up until twenty-four hours ago one she was usually excited to see. Just the mere name on the screen would send her heart racing and her blood pumping, but now all she felt was nauseated and the sting of humiliation.

She wiped the trail of tears, a new one with every call, on the sleeve of her grey sweatshirt. She knew that she must look like quite the sight; curled in the end of her couch, colorless toes peeking out from beneath the legs of black yoga pants. Her face she imagined was pale and drawn, make up long gone and her hair in a messy ponytail at the back of her neck. She didn't even have the stomach for a glass of merlot, although she doubted it would have made her feel any better.

She knew in her heart that Sharon was trying, but she couldn't help the pain that flowed from her soul. She was no fool; she knew her past discrepancies were legendary and that at the beginning of their relationship she had treated Sharon horribly. All the names that had been said, all the harsh words exchanged, and all the obscene outbursts. She knew that she had a lot to answer for, but how was she supposed to do that if she was never given the chance.

It hurt that Sharon felt the need to talk to someone other than Brenda about what was between them. Brenda had become very accustomed to her privacy over the years and even the though of Sharon talking to her best friend made her stomach twist in knots. She knew that everyone needed a sounding board, but the hurt was still there, throbbing just below the surface.

Fresh tears pooled in Brenda's eyes as she brought her knees up to her chest, gathering them as close as possible while laying her forehead on her bent knees. It hurt to know that the one thing she wanted, the one person she wanted, seemed to not want her. It hurt to know that even though the Captain did…care for her, that she wouldn't act on those feelings. It hurt to realize that perhaps she had walked in on a discussion between the two friends on how to 'let her down gently.'

She raised her head slightly and looked around the sparsely furnished apartment. In the dim lighting from the lamp to the left of the couch Brenda could see what her life was reduced to. She still had boxes piled all around from her move; she had never gotten around to unpacking them all. She had hoped she could entice Sharon over with an invitation for a calm dinner and maybe she could help the younger woman furnish the apartment. She shook her head as the realization hit her…that wasn't going to happen now.

Overcome by emotion, Brenda let her self gently slide down the sofa until she lay on the red cushions horizontally, the suede material sticking to her wet cheeks. She folded her legs close to her body and rested her folded hands under her head as her eyes gazed into the space before her. Soon her eyes would grow heavy…her body would grow limp from the sheer exhaustion and she would slip into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys, I know I've been away for a while but I got a really sweet comment out of the blue today, and it made the fire for this story reignite. This is what you get! :)

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The next day at work Brend tried to slink into her office unnoticed…she really didn't feel like interacting with her aids today. Hopefully they would prove to be as perceptive as they always were and leave her alone. She was dressed in a clean-cut power suit, one she didn't have to work very hard to pull off, and it was tailored nicely and fit her well. Not wanting to wrangle her curls today, she simply pulled them back away from her face into a sleek bun. She wore minimal make up…just enough to cover up the red and splotchy cheeks.

Last night had been long and restless, even the sleep she had fallen into eventually became frantic, she couldn't help but relive the last few moments of Sharon's conversation over and over again. Brenda stared out over the Los Angeles skyline, her eyes following the dips and peaks.

She was lost in her own world…the last few months with Sharon; suddenly she doubted every interaction they had. What if she had been reading too much in to it? Obviously she'd gotten confused somewhere. After thinking about, she didn't begrudge Sharon or he reaction, in fact if Brenda were in her position she certain she would have proposed the same questions.

How could Sharon trust her after the way she acted? How could she guarantee that she wasn't some sort of midlife crisis that Brenda would tire from in months…maybe even weeks? Of course the blonde knew the answers to these questions, she knew she would never treat Sharon that way, but how did the brunette know that? She should have known better than to assume, with the type of relationship the older woman had with her ex-husband, Brenda should have known she'd need reassurance.

Her track record with relationships was anything but perfect, but with Sharon she was trying. She tried to be more accommodating, to be more responsible for herself and her actions, she had thought she'd been doing a good job. Except that Sharon had doubts the entire time, only opening herself up enough for a taste of the woman she could be to sneak through, and that must have been what Brenda became enamored with, the idea of what could have been it seems.

She propped her elbow on the desk in font of her, placing her chin in the cradle of her palm. Her eyes were heavy and dry; the slow blinks she was managing were beginning to wear her down. She wasn't quite sure where they would go from here; she couldn't go back to being friends with Sharon…it just wouldn't work. She had told the other woman things, done things with her that she couldn't imagine doing with anyone else. She had seen a different side, no matter how little, to the brunette and it was one she liked; she wasn't willing to let that go.

Although on the other hand, she didn't want to pressure the older woman into something she didn't want. It was clear to Brenda that Sharon knew what she wanted, and it was time for her to think of someone other than herself. She wouldn't engage Sharon in the discussion or listen to the apologies that at this point were sincere but awkward all at the same. She would graciously give the older woman an out from this…well what ever this was.

She reached for the receiver when she heard a tentative knock from her doorway. When Brenda looked up, she had somehow known who it would be, but it didn't make the meeting any less painful. All the rehearsing and pep talks she gave herself leapt out the window when she came face to face with Sharon Raydor herself. Brenda bit her lip; this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

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Sharon had been right when she guessed sleep would elude her the night before, every time he closed her eyes she pictured the look on the younger woman's face as she left her office yesterday. Eventually she gave up on sleep and settled on the balcony of her condo with a hot cup of tea and a stack of paperwork she needed to finish desperately.

On the way to work the next day, or later that morning it would seem to be, the captain contemplated her options. She didn't have many that was for sure…she could continue to call Brenda and hope at some point she would feel inclined to call her back. Or the other, bolder option would be take a detour to the blonde's office, confront her face to face. Sharon wasn't sure that was the best option given the circumstances, if it was one thing she knew about the other woman, it was that she valued her privacy…her work environment would be no place for that type of conversation.

The older woman tried dialing Brenda once more, not surprised when the phone sent her straight to voicemail, again. That made the decision for her, and whether Brenda liked it or not this was a conversation they needed to have…neither of them would be able to concentrate until it was over. With that Sharon took the exit off the freeway just before the one she took everyday.

The ride up to Brenda's office felt like a lifetime. Sharon was nervously rocking from foot to foot, her hands deftly tucked into the pockets of her blazer. She did have things she needed to say, concerns she needed to voice, or should have voiced sooner. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with Brenda, quite the contrary; she had deep feeling s fro the blonde. However, Sharon Raydor would be herself without a few concerns and doubts, some which could be unfounded but some that could be pertinent to their situation. She was prepared to give this relationship with the blonde her all, but she would not set herself up for heartbreak once again…she had to be sure that Brenda was serious, that her head as well as her heart was in this for the long haul.

The ding of the elevator startled her out of her thoughts. She gathered all her strength; inhaling and exhaling rhythmically, as she strode confidently down the hallway. The quick tap tap of her heels a comforting sound that echoed around her, the strides quick and sure with purpose.

The first thing she noticed as she rounded the corner at the end of the hall was that the out entrance to Brenda 's office was open. As she got closer it was then that Sharon noticed her two aids that normally inhabited the out office were nowhere to be found. She strode through one doorway and paused as she approached the door to the inner office. She gazed at the woman she could clearly see seated in the office chair

Brenda's normally bubbly and vibrant wardrobe was tempered today; a charcoal grey pantsuit and practical white V-neck shirt were her choice of attire today. The normally unruly locks were smoothed back away form her face and fastened into and almost severe bun at the base of the blonde's neck. Sharon knew what type of a tension headache that would cause for the younger woman later; she shook her head sadly.

She knocked on the doorjamb softly, trying to gain the other woman's attention. It wasn't until Brenda connected eyes with her that Sharon understood the need for her power suit of armor; she could clearly see that Brenda hadn't had the best night's sleep either, she looked as spent as Sharon felt.

The unguarded look that greeted the brunette was gone in a flash, some sort of wall going up around the brown eyes Sharon loved. There was hardness there now that wasn't there before, a steely resolve that the captain was sure she was prepared to fight. But fight she would, she had to try.


End file.
